


Joanie

by arborealstops



Category: The West Wing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 03:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20539370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arborealstops/pseuds/arborealstops





	Joanie

_Hi. _

_I haven’t written you in ages. The last time I wrote… at Leo’s funeral, right? Or, no, it was the president’s. Well, the ex-president’s. It’s hard to believe I lost them both in a year, you know? And now Mom is sick. I don’t know what to do. Mrs. Bartlet’s barely been able to function since she lost Leo and Jed, and Charlie and Zoey moved back in to help her. _

_But that’s not what I’m writing for. I’m actually… I’m happy. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe ever. You want to know why?_

_I’m marrying Donna. I’m marrying Donna, and Donna is pregnant. She just told me._

_It’s scary, kind of. I want to be a dad, I’ve wanted to have a family for a long time, but… I don’t want to mess it up. There are so many things I could do that would mess up a kid. I just don’t know if I’ll be any good at this._

_Dad was great. And Leo was always there for Mal. And Bartlet… he was like a model dad. What if I’m not as good as them? What if my kid grows up to hate me, or if I do something to hurt them? What if I’m just not cut out for this? What if, even though I’ve had some of the best role models, and I have the best person to parent with me, I’m just not good at being a father?_

_Honestly, I’ve never been so scared in my life. I want to be everything I can be to this child. I want to be what Leo, and Dad, and the president, were to me. I don’t want to let them down._

_Did I let you down? I’ve been so crazy lately, it might seem like I’ve forgotten you. I haven’t, I want you to know. I still think of you, every day. Every day._

_I know guardian angels are dumb, and all that, but sometimes I still feel like you’re mine. That’s why I write- I feel like you’re watching me, that you can read what I’m trying to say, that you can see me crying while I write._

_I hope they’re with you- Dad, Leo, the president. I hope they’re taking care of you. I hope they’re happy, and you’re happy. I hope you’re all up there, somewhere, in whatever version of Heaven I know you’re all in, laughing at me. I deserve it._

_Tell them I miss them, would you? And I’ll do my best to make them proud._

_Love,_  
_Your little brother Josh_

_P.S.- Donna and I decided on a name. Donna looked it up and found out that it can be either a girl’s name or a boy’s name, so either way… our baby’s name will be Joanie._


End file.
